Help me forget
by ChristineGrey
Summary: Alex's past has been a big secret and he tried to keep it that way but now he has no other choice than to deal with it. Eventually Addex surprise, surprise! I suck at summaries,sorry! Rating changed to M! Chapter 9 up now Mere/Alex
1. Chapter 1

**It's me again! I know I should be working on "Never gonna leave your side" and I will, I promise! But the cheesiness of the last chapter was just too much for me and now I had to go and write something dark and twisty about Alex and his past because this has been on my mind for a long time and I had to write it down now, before I forget about it again. **

**So, here's the little back-story: In Season 2, Episode 1, after George punched Alex because of the syphilis-thing and Izzie examined his black eye, he told her something like this: **

"**That dude punches like my _sister_!" **

**So I figured he really has to have a sister, even though it hasn't been mentioned again on the show. **

**I'd really like to see something like that on GA because I think there's still so much about him that hasn't been revealed yet. And also because I love the dark & twisty ones. (And the fact that Justin's insanely hot just makes it even better! ;-))**

**Disclaimer: Who wouldn't want to own them? But unfortunately I don't! **

**Please leave a review and tell me what you think! Is it worth continuing? **

**Help me forget – Chapter 1**

When Laura Karev entered Seattle Grace through the massive glass doors, she didn't exactly know what to expect. She didn't even know whether her brother was at work or not. But this was the only place, where she could find him, since she didn't have his home address. They hadn't seen or talked to each other in over six years, ever since he left Iowa for college. No, what they had was anything but a normal sibling-relationship. But that wasn't because they didn't love each other. Because they did. He'd always been the only person who understood what she felt. Her pampered high-school friends, if you could even call them that, certainly didn't know what was going on behind the happy mask she put on every morning when she walked out through the threshold of their apartment to go to school

She'd always had serious trust issues, which would explain why she'd never been in a long-term-relationship before, similar to her brother.

_Maybe he has changed. _She thought to herself, hoping that this was the case. Because if he was able to change, then she could do it too and that gave her at least a little bit of hope.

The single reason why she hadn't spoken to him in such a long time was, that whenever she did, it all came racing back. Everything they went through during their childhood would haunt them again and again, when they just looked into each others eyes. The pain and the realisation that it really hadn't all been a bad dream was just simply overwhelming so they decided to go separate ways and tried to live their lifes the best they could.

She knew, that she looked terrible right now. She wasn't ugly though, not at all. No, the Karev-siblings always belonged to the pretty ones in High school. But that had been a long time ago. A time she'd rather never go through again.

Back then, she'd gladly changed her good looks for somebody else's life.

She slowly moved towards the reception area. Everything ached with every step she took. She was 28 years old now, 2 years younger than Alex, but in the current state she was in, she had to look at least 35.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist asked in a perky voice, apparently not noticing or just ignoring Laura's black eye.

"Yes, can you tell me where I can find Dr. Alex Karev? He's a surgeon here." She asked, trying to sound casual.

"Are you a patient?" She asked

After contemplating the question for a few seconds Laura decided that it would be better to lie, because he probably wouldn't show if he knew that she was here anyway.

"Yes, I'd like to see Dr. Karev if it's possible"

"If it's important I can page him for you." The woman offered.

"That would be great. Thank you!" Laura forced a fake smile when she looked at the receptionist.

"You can take a seat over there." She pointed to the waiting area. "I'm gonna have a look whether he's in surgery or not."

Laura nodded and started walking towards the waiting area. She didn't have much strength left in her body. She just hoped that Alex would show up soon. She placed her elbows on her lap and buried her face in her hands, trying to hide the bruises from the people who were seated around her. She couldn't stand the stares and the compassion.

That was sometimes even worse than the pain.

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Alex's day hadn't been much fun so far. He'd have thought that as a 2nd year resident, he'd be taken a little bit more seriously, but apparently not. Instead he got into another one of those famous quarrels with his lover, who happened to be his boss as well.

_God, sleeping with the boss has it's perks, but it sure as hell isn't easy either!"_ He thought, while walking down the hallway on the surgical floor towards the nurse's station.

It had been on and off the whole last year: Booty-calling each other every other night, making out in the elevator or doing it in one of the on-call rooms. The list was long and it seemed like a healthy release of their emotions. Alex was just more than thankful that she wasn't like the other girls who, after some time, all wanted the commitment-thing. Because he knew, he wasn't able to give her that.

Ever

He'd of course never opened up to her. She didn't know anything about him, except for the rumours that were occasionally going around the hospital and he was fine with that. Because the truth about him would be overwhelming for anybody and no one wanted to know anyway, he assumed. They all thought he was a mean bastard and he wanted to keep it that way.

When his pager went off and showed the words "admin" on the display, he got only grumpier than he already was.

_What the hell do they want from me now? _He thought, when he decided to check it out anyway. He didn't want to get into more trouble than he already was, which he definitely would be if she found out that he had ignored a page. Add this last ingredient to the cocktail and with the combination of the back-talking he'd been doing and the fact that she was already mad at him, the whole thing might blow up and she could deny him sex or surgeries or, worst of all, even both, and he didn't want to risk that.

So he strolled towards the elevator, greeting Izzie who got off when the doors sprang open.

A few seconds later he walked quickly towards the admin desk. He saw Addison, standing at the other side, talking to a worried husband and informing him, that the surgery on his wife had been successful. He quickly turned away, facing the blonde behind the desk.

"You paged me?" He asked in a huff, hoping that this wouldn't take long and that he could be on his way again, before Addison spotted him.

"Yes, Dr. Karev, that woman over there was asking for you." She answered, pointing towards Laura, who was facing the other way, so that Alex was only able to see the curly mass of darkbrown hair and his heart immediately skipped a beat.

_No, that can't be her. What is she doing in Seattle?_

He slowly approached the woman sitting in the chair.

Laura felt someone walking towards her and mustered all her strength to push herself up from the uncomfortable chair. She turned around and smiled weakly when she made out her big brothers face.

"Laura, what are you doing here? God, what happened?" He asked as he got closer and saw how bruised her face was.

"He's back Alex."

That was all she was able to utter before she collapsed in Alex's arms.

TBC

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**What do you think? Is it worth continuing? I can't promise frequent updates for this one but I know that I want it to be and Addex-Story (surprise, surprise!) sooner or later at least! Let me know what you think! **


	2. Chapter 2

**You guys are seriously awesome! I got like 16 reviews telling me to sit my ass back down and write the next chapter for this story, so guess what, I couldn't help myself! If you keep up supporting me like that, I might be able to update regularly! Seriously! **

**A special thanks goes to McLonely, whose Alex-past-stories inspired me to finally write "Help me forget" down and therefore helped that it wasn't just an idea that I'd probably would have forgotten sooner or later! **

**Okay, so there you go, Chapter 2! Please read and let me know what you think**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, just my computer and an unbelievably big longing to find out more about Alex! Is this too much to ask Shonda? Seriously? **

**Rating: Mentioning of child abuse. If you wanna skip those parts, then I suggest you don't read the italics, because they're gonna be flashback to Alex and Lauras childhood! **

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**Chapter 2**

Before Alex realised what was actually happening he had caught his sister and carefully lowered her slack body to the floor.

"I need some help over here!" He shouted out to the room full of patients, nurses and doctors and thankfully Addison Montgomery was still among them. She had obviously witnessed the scene and quickly approached him only to see Alex placing his shaking fingers on his sister's carotid artery to feel for a pulse but the adrenalin and anxiety that currently seemed to circulate in his bloodstream prevented him from using any skills that he was trained to utilize in such situations. He couldn't even find her damn pulse because his hand was trembling so uncontrollably.

"Wake up!" He ordered when he felt Addison hovering over his shoulder, her long hair that she'd chosen to wear open today touching his neck. Not that he had noticed this before anyway.

"What happened?" She asked unknowingly with the taking-charge-because-I'm-your-boss - tone in her voice, she quickly knelt down next to Alex and swatted his hand away from the woman's throat and replaced it with her own.

She always had steady hands, something he admired her for. Not that he'd admit this to anyone of course.

"Karev, what's her name?" Addison tried again to get the residents attention. By now she felt the steady flow of blood beneath her index and middle finger. The pulse was there but it wasn't as strong as it should have been.

"Laura" Alex said with a sound that felt so frightened with such a sadness seeping through that it gave her Goosebumps and sent shivers up and down her spine and that all with one single word.

"What's wrong with her?" She asked again, while fishing for her stethoscope in her lab coat. When she got no response she looked up at him and what she saw there was nothing that she had expected. Alex Karev was scared beyond believe, vulnerable and clearly not able to move.

Petrified.

Unable to do anything other than look at the woman who was still unconscious.

"Karev!" Addison yelled at him because she knew that was the only way to get him focused again. "What is wrong with her!"

"I…….I….. don't know" He told his boss, even though he was almost sure that he knew what had happened to his sister but he wasn't gonna tell anyone.

They never spoke about it with anyone other than themselves because they didn't understand. No one would ever understand completely. Never.

"Alex, Is she a patient?" Addison's voice pierced through his thoughts of possible scenarios how _he _had been able to find her.

"No, she…….she's my little sister." He stuttered and took Lauras hand in his own. "Laura please wake up, please!" He pleaded with her.

Addison had never heard Alex Karev beg for anything before. She was sure he'd never do that, but it seemed as though she'd been wrong.

"Okay, let's get her on a gurney and to an exam room! Move people!" Addison ordered, taking care of the growing crowd that had already formed around them.

When they had carefully loaded her onto a stretcher Addison looked over to Alex who was guiding the gurney with one hand and holding his sister's hand with the other. She'd only seen him acting like that with one other person: Ava or Rebecca or Jane Dow or whatever she called herself these days, but this was worse. Apparently he had lost control and wasn't really able to think straight anymore.

"Laura, please wake up!" Alex tried again to get through to his sister but she didn't hear him. She was trapped in a dream that she never wanted to relive again.

_The pain shot through her cheek when the big rough hand slapped it with so much force that her head unwillingly tipped to the side. _

_She didn't cry. No, crying wouldn't help. It'd only make the whole thing worse. She'd learned that ages ago. _

_Even though she was only 6 years old. _

_Laura didn't dare to look at him. She couldn't look him in the eyes. Those distinctive eyes that almost resembled the once of a snake, which he was actually._

_However he made her look at him because he captured her chin with one of his hands. _

_She wasn't strong enough to fight, not with only 6 years of age and so she stood there petrified, almost like a deer in the headlights of a car, blinded by fear of what might happen next. This man wasn't her dad, not in a million years could this angry person holding her be a father to anyone. _

_He just took a big swing with his hand to do it again when Alex appeared in the doorway of their living room. He had just returned from school, his bag still thrown over his shoulder._

"_Laura?" He asked shakily, knowing instinctively that something bad was going on here. He could sense those things better than anyone else. _

"_Fuck off son, she's busy. She can't play with you now!" He slurred in a huff, which immediately told Alex that he was drunk. _

_Again. _

_An empty whisky bottle lay on the floor. The carpet below it was soaked with the horribly smelling liquid, making their living room stink like one of the bars where their dad's band played. _

"_Alex" came the pleading noise that was barely audible for him. _

"_Let her go!" Alex demanded, entering the room. _

"_I said FUCK OFF! This is none of your business, so get the hell out of here or you'll be next!" His father threatened him. _

"_Let her go!" He said again, reaching behind and quickly grabbed his heavy math book from his schoolbag. Thankfully he hadn't noticed. Alex carefully approached them, not wanting to set him off even more. When he got closer to his sister he clenched his fingers into the side of the book, anger overwhelming him. It was bad enough that he hit their mother but now he also did this to his sister? Alex wasn't gonna let this happen. _

_And before his father knew how it happened, Alex had thrown the book at his face, the edge of it hitting his nose, which was nod dripping with blood. _

"_Fuck, what the hell!" He heard his father swear and used the moment of distraction to take Laura's hand and led her out of the house, as far away as possible. Or as far away as an 8 and a 6 year old could go without being picked up by the police. _

_When Alex looked at Laura he realised that she was trembling uncontrollably. _

"Dr. Karev I need you to step outside." Addison ordered when they were standing in exam 3. Alex was still holding his sister's hand and he didn't want to leave her. They would see the scars and the bruises and they would ask her questions when she came to it. He didn't want them bothering her, not when she'd obviously gone through enough trauma already. So he didn't even flinch at the attending's request.

"Karev I said you have to get out! You're not gonna stay here when we tread one of your family members!" She insisted again.

"Well you can't tread her either, you're a neonatal specialist and an ob/gyn!" He spat back. At the moment insults and rudeness where the only things that seemed to come out when he opened his mouth. A defence mechanism that had been perfected with years of training.

Too many damn years.

"I'm not gonna argue with you now, so don't cross me! I know perfectly well what my profession is, which is why I already paged Dr. Bailey" She said, clearly getting cranky, which is exactly what he had intended. Because pissed off people didn't ask as many questions as sympathetic ones.

"Fine!" He gave in, but not without sending her one last challenging glance before he left the room.

When the door behind him had been shut he leaned against the wall in the hallway for a moment and decided that he felt too exposed to the questioning stared of fellow doctors and nurses so he went looking for the next supply closet as a hiding place, at least for a little while.

He was always good at it. Sometimes their childhood reminded him of one giant and never ending game of hide and seek.

Or at least like an incredibly cruel and painful version of it.

**

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****Please let me know what you think! Is it still any good? Suggestions are always welcome of course! I'm going on vacation next week, so I won't be able to update until the week after that probably! But maybe, if my mailbox's filled with lot of review-alerts, I'll be quicker;)! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Yes, I'm back, finally! After almost a week of skiing and a short trip to Paris I sat down and tried to get my muse back****, but somehow she stayed in Paris and I must say, I do understand that completely…**

**I can't say how much I appreciate the huge support you gave me with all your reviews! Thank you all so much! **

**I'm not quite satisfied with this chapter, but instead of deleting it completely I thought I'd post it anyway, because I owe you guys! I also added a little flashback! I hope you still enjoy it and keep reviewing! **

**Ratings: Mentioning of abuse and suicide attempt**

**Disclaimer: No, not even during my vacation I was able to come up with a serious plan to take over Grey's… but I did come up with a plan on how to get seats in a bus that's packed full with skiers and snowboarders if anyone's interested;)**

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**Chapter 3**

"Is this really happening?" Addison asked herself while looking at the x-rays in front of her. Even though she wasn't a general surgeon, she'd studied enough of the material to know what presumably had happened to this girl and the pure thought of it made her sick. The bruises on her arms and legs were still fresh and would probably turn into a nasty purple only hours from now. 

And as if this wasn't enough, she started to feel a little guilty of how harsh she'd treaded Alex when he wouldn't leave the room a few minutes ago. She was still shocked that he had a sister, and one that he seemed to be so attached to that she nearly had to call security to get him out of the room. He never told her that he had a sibling. But then again, he never told her anything about himself. Sex was all he was able to give her and up to now, she'd been fine with that but it wouldn't hurt to have a little more information, especially now with his sister in critical condition. She considered looking for him to get some of the answers but after examining Laura she highly doubted that she'd be able to look him in the eye anyway. 

When a few minutes later Dr. Bailey entered the room Addison still hadn't moved away from the board, lost in her own thoughts. This wasn't supposed to bother her. She was a professional for crying out loud. 

"What do we have?" Bailey asked when she stomped into the exam room. Her eyes quickly assessed the situation. The patient was still unconscious, hocked up to various machines and two large IV's, which seemed a little odd to her. 

Addison quickly turned around and mentioned for Miranda to come over and take a look at the x-rays. 

"What do you think Miranda?" Addison said sounding concerned. 

"God, she's a complete mess. Look at that" She pointed her finger on her 4th rib. "This has been broken at least twice before. What happened?" She asked the redhead who was still ominously quiet. It seemed as though she was lost in her own thoughts. 

"She collapsed in the waiting area. Her results show that she's severely dehydrated and hasn't eaten anything in the last 48 hours, so no wonder she fainted." Addison said, handing the test results to the chief resident. 

"Do we have her medical records?" She asked Addison. 

"I just sent an intern to get them, but it could take a while. She's not a regular patient here." 

"Is someone here with her? Family? Friends?" Bailey questioned further and when she looked up at the redhead she noticed how nervous she looked. 

After a second of contemplating she bent down a little to whisper into the shorter woman's ear, because there were too many nurses and interns in the room and she didn't want to expose him more than he already was. 

"Miranda, this is Laura Karev. Alex Karev's sister." At that Bailey sent her a surprised glance but before saying something else she went on with the doctor-talking.

"She's got two broken ribs as far as I can tell." Dr. Bailey stated and moved over to take a closer look at Laura. "She probably doesn't need surgery, but we need to observe her for a day or two."

"Yeah that's what I thought too, but Miranda I think you should also take a look at this" Addison said and pulled Laura's sleeves back, so that her left and right wrists were exposed. Dr. Bailey's eyes widened when she spotted the scars that couldn't have been made by accident. 

"Where's Karev?" Dr. Bailey demanded without another moment of hesitation and Addison quickly told her that she'd asked him to step outside and that she hadn't seen him since. 

"Why does it always have to be my suck ups?" She sighed under her breath before leaving the room to go and look for her ex-intern. 

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20 minutes. He'd been hiding for 20 minutes, unnoticed by anyone else. Sometimes he honestly thought about whether anyone would notice if _he _went missing. Probably not, but that was his own fault and anyway, he'd been the one that wanted it this way, so he mentally kicked himself for even thinking about something like that. As soon as he'd entered the closet he sunk to the floor, his face buried deep in the palm of his hands, rubbing over his forehead once in a while. 

His wall was slowly crumbling. That was a fact. They'd find out and everything was going to change. That was his biggest fear right now, apart from not knowing what was going on with his sister of course. He didn't even waste the tiniest bit of energy on the fact that _he _who had brought all of this on them might be back. 

By now, he was sure, they had already seen and examined the scars on her wrists that were never going to disappear completely. They were the most obvious ones but also the most dangerous ones. There were enough others that he knew of. He just hoped that she had found another way to cope. Because time healed everything right? He snorted a little at the pure thought. That was a quote for optimists, so definitely nothing for him or his sister. 

And within a split second his luck was up when someone entered the supply closet and said person had carelessly turned on the bright neon light that, after sitting in total darkness for almost half an hours, was enough to send his temper raising to the ceiling.

"What the hell?" He swore and when the small person jumped a little in shock he couldn't help himself and smiled cheekily, because he already knew who it was and she would ask questions if he couldn't come up with a good explanation for sitting in the dark by himself. So he hoped that she'd buy it along with the faked smile and hopefully she hadn't heard from Addison or someone else what was really going on.

Meredith turned around with a confused look on her face, staring directly into Alex's face and saw that he was smirking at her. 

"Alex? What are you doing here?" She asked questioningly when Alex pushed himself up from the floor. 

He knew that he needed to take drastic measured because for some reason, Meredith sometimes seemed to look straight through him. 

"I was just waiting for my on-call-room date, but apparently she can't make it!" He said

"Alex, seriously!" Meredith stated 

"What? Don't look so surprised! You're the queen of on-call-room sex in this hospital. So if you don't mind, I'm gonna go" And at that he turned to leave but before he opened the door in front of him he turned back again. 

"Or are you interested Grey?" He smirked at her again. 

"Alex!" She explained with disgust. They were friends and she'd never go there with him and he knew that. 

"Just asking!" And then he left the room without looking back. "That ought to have done it" He thought to himself. 

He just emerged into the busy hallway when he spotted Dr. Bailey and Addison approaching him. They looked concerned and he immediately felt like a 7 year old boy again when he had to call the ambulance for his mom for the first time and waited around the hospital for hours.

_His legs were dangling around nervously because the chair he was sitting on was too high for him to __reach the floor with his feet. His mom had been inside the exam room with different nurses and doctors for almost 3 hours and no one had bothered to tell him what was going on. So he waited. And waiting at the hospital beat the hell out of waiting at home with his father who didn't even give a crap whether his wife came back alive or not, even though he was the reason that she was in that state. 5 year old Laura was playing happily with some building blocs only a few feet away from him. She hadn't realised what really had been going on. Not yet. So he let her be a little girl for as long as he could protect her from everything. Because she shouldn't have to be a grown up at the age of 7, like he was. His hopes and dreams had already been shattered by finding out that what was supposed to be good, always turned out to be bad. A family-life, a loving dad, a protective mother. Alex Karev didn't believe in the good anymore and he was only 7. In his opinion, fairytales never came true. But his stupid teacher at school had already sent him to the principal's office 3 times because he refused to believe that Cinderella and Prince Charming lived a happily ever after. _

_It was already 10 pm when a nurse came to get them. Laura had fallen asleep on the floor, crawled up like a cat. Alex had mindfully taken one of the blankets that was sitting on a pile in the corner of the waiting room and covered his sister up. The nurse picked Laura up from the floor. She stirred slightly but didn't wake up when they proceeded down the hallway, towards their mom's room. _

"Karev, where the hell have you been? We've been looking all over for you!" Dr. Bailey asked but only got a shrug of his shoulders and a muttered "sorry" for a response with a quickly added "How's Laura" that sounded honestly scared. So far he had avoided looking at Addison and when he turned around to do so he saw it. The pity that overcame everyone who knew. Dr. Bailey might have been better at hiding it, but Addison was like an open book lying in front of him. 

She was afraid to talk to him. She didn't know what to say. 

"Alex, we need to talk!" Bailey said but Alex didn't take his eyes off of Addison. Instead he repeated his question from before. 

"How's Laura!" He asked with so much force that he was surprised Addison didn't at least take one step back, away from him. This was probably where she wanted to be for the rest of her life anyway. As far away from him as possible. And in only one second he realised that this was the last thing that he wanted. He didn't want her to avoid him because ashard as he tried to deny it, he needed her. 

"Alex..." Addison started, clearly not knowing how to handle this. Why did she feel that way? But before she was able to say or think anything else he spoke up again and cut her off. Not that she'd had any clue on what to say to him next anyway. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scream but can you tell me how she is?" He asked his big brown eyes still piercing through Addison's blue ones. 

"She's still unconscious but hopefully she won't need surgery. We'll keep her here for observation." She told him. "Alex, I reallythink we need to talk." Dr. Bailey said again in a caring tone and he considered running for a second but then only nodded slightly. He could have run from anyone else, but not from the woman that had taught him so much. She led the way towards her office and Alex followed suit. He didn't know what else to do, although he'd probably go to Joe's later to drink himself into a coma so he didn't have to think about all of this. 

Addison contemplated going with them for a moment but then decided that it would be better if she went back to check on Laura. That was the only thing she could do for him right now. 

TBC

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**So there you go! I hope you liked it, even though there's not really much going on…. Thanks again for anyone who reviewed the last chapters! I hope to get a few more for this one! ;) -Christine**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone! I'm finally back on my feet and ready to write away for you, just because of all your support for this story! I'm sorry I didn't reply to most of the reviews, so I'm gonna do it here, now: **

**Kat priestley: **Thank you so much! I really try to get into those character's heads, which sometimes isn't as easy as it sounds.

**Megan: **Thank you too! This one's a little longer than the last one, but somehow I find the length quite okay. I don't wanna write 10 pages, because I've come to know that less people tend to read that, because it just takes too much time.

**Addisonkarev: **I already wrote you back, but thank you again for your support for all of my stories!

**addexlover: **Yeah, I liked the flashback too, even though that was the last think I've added to the last chapter. I hope you like the one from this chapter too!

**Lora Perry: **Thanks girl! I'm glad you liked it and hope you keep continue reading and reviewing!

**Addiekatefan:** Well here's the update you wished for! It didn't take me too long did it?

**HuntingPeace: **Thank you! There's some Addisex in this chapter, but not too much. I have to approach that carefully. I keep in mind to write some Laura/Addison interactions later!

**Right Hand Blue: **Yeah, his childhood really sucked, at least that's how I imagined it to be for him. Thanks for the review.

**gizzifan118: **Yeah I did have fun on my trip thank you (I could go on and on about it here, but no one wants to read that probably;) There's a short Addex-scene in this chapter and I'm working on how to get them closer so that it doesn't seem rushed and forced. Yeah, I loved the thing with Meredith too, he's so good at shutting people out! Thanks for the awesome review!

**mistysparks: **Here's the update you've been waiting for! I hope you keep reading and reviewing!

**McLonely: **What can I say except for "you rock girl!" I already replied to your review, but I wanna thank you again for your huge support! Your long reviews always make me smile, even if I read them for the 100th time or so! I hope you like this chapter too and I can't wait to hear what you think about it!

**charmedbabywyatt: **Thank you for your review! I hope you keep enjoying the story!

**Okay, so now that's done and here you go: Chapter 4 of "Help me forget"**

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**Chapter 4**

Somehow the way to Dr. Bailey's office seemed so much shorter than he remembered it to be. She walked past the nurses station with Alex tagging along after her like a chastised puppy when he spotted a confused looking Meredith, who probably thought that Dr. Bailey had found out about his faked on call room date and was gonna give him a long speech about the importance of staying professional in "her" hospital and that she was gonna write him up to the chief about his behaviour. The truth was, that this would have been so much easier for him to accept. He could take being yelled at, that was something he had been used to for a long time but he feared that what was about to come his way was worse than all the shouting in the world. Compassion and pity, sympathy and kindness, and the usual "I'm so sorry this happened to you and your sister" which he found so condescending and unearned that he always immediately recalled rule No. 1 his wrestling teacher taught him.

"Alex, I…" Dr. Bailey started after she had shut the door behind them.

_Attack's the best defence _

"What do you want from me?" He cut her off and almost spat the words out (the question being his attack) and immediately realised that it had sounded rather impolite but as always, rudeness was his way of keeping people away at least a few feet, to prevent them from seeing past his wall, at least for as long as he was able to keep it up, so he ignored the sudden need to apologize to his superior.

"Take a seat Dr. Karev!" Dr. Bailey ordered and Alex got the feeling that he had pissed her off, at least a little bit but complied and sat down on the chair that faced Dr. Bailey's desk. She small woman had already opened Laura's file and took out the chest x-ray, handing it over to the younger doctor. Alex took it and held it up towards the bright neon light, pretending to study it, to give him some more time to think of a possible excuse to run from the looming interrogation that was surely to follow. Actually he wouldn't have needed to even look at it. Well maybe he would have because the 4th and 5th rib were both broken for the 4th time all together. But the rest of it he knew by heart.

In his first year in med school they'd all been impressed by how well he'd already been able to spot fractures on x-rays where others didn't even see a crack. What they didn't know was the cruel background that implied this "admirable" ability. Back then he'd wished he'd never seen an x-ray before, like some of his innocent schoolmates.

"Alex?" Dr. Bailey asked after a minute when Alex was still holding the x-ray and didn't say anything. Somehow it seemed that he was lost in his own thoughts. He could tell that she waited for a reaction, a possible astonishment about what he saw, but he couldn't give her that, because he wasn't surprised at all.

"Alex?" He heard her again, sounding somehow a little concerned because his eyes were still glued to that x-ray, but he was fighting an internal battle with himself about what he should reveal and what he should keep to himself. He wondered what she knew and quickly went over some of the events:

_The beating_ – they knew that, because of her films and the bruises and the small internal bleeding

_The suicide-attempt_ – yeah, he was sure they had figured that one out already, those scars weren't easy to hide. They didn't need to know that she tried more than once though.

_Their fucked up childhood – _They didn't know anything about that yet but they weren't stupid. If they took a closer look at her medical records, they'd figure it out sooner or later anyway. They weren't gonna see their police records though because they were sealed and not given out to hospitals anyway…..It wasn't until Dr. Bailey touched his hand lightly that he finally snapped out of it and quickly pulled his hand back, placing it in his lap like the small physical gesture to get him out of his reverie had been too much for him to handle.

„Alex, I know this must be very difficult for you, but do you have any idea what happened to your sister? Bailey asked him quietly when Alex handed her back the x-ray. Bailey had Laura's chart still unfolded in front of her.

He snorted a little at that. Where did she come from to tell him that this was difficult for him? Their past was so much harder than she could ever imagine. He had thought that he was done with it when he left his hometown for college. Apparently though, the past always comes back to haunt you and there's no hiding from it.

"I'm sorry Dr. Bailey…..I…….fuck………..can I just see her please?" He pleaded with her to let him go, so that he could see his sister.

"It looks like she got beaten up pretty badly Alex. She's also severely dehydrated and hasn't eaten in days. Her driver's license says she lives in Chicago, is that true?"

_What the hell is this? A freaking police interrogation?_ He though to himself

"I don't know. Listen Dr. Bailey, I haven't spoken to her in a long time." He stated quietly, hoping that she'd let him go soon.

Miranda tried to avoid asking him about the past because she feared his answer but by now she'd run out of other things to ask that seemed remotely relevant for this case and she knew, the moment she started to make small talk Alex would storm out anyway. She knew she had to approach this carefully, without showing too many emotions.

"Alex, we haven't gotten your sisters medical records yet, they're faxing them over right now but the x-rays seem to suggest that……was she?……….I mean were you too……….?" She couldn't bring herself to speak the word that was gonna throw her assumptions of who she thought Alex was overboard completely. He seemed to have had enough though and finally let it out.

"Abused you mean? Now you know why I'm such a fucked up and pathetic excuse for a human being and why my sister's lying in the ICU, being fed through a tube with internal bleeding and broken ribs." He burst out and when he saw the pure shock on Dr. Bailey's face he turned to leave and slammed the door shut behind him.

--

_He was 9 when his father first laid a hand on him. And when he thought about that his mother had been abused for years, as long as he can remember, and that his dad even started to let his aggressions out on Laura, he was "lucky" enough to be spared up to this day. His mother was at work at the nearby supermarket so that they could at least afford to buy food every week, while their dad was still waiting for his "big break". As always, Alex had made sure that Laura could stay at a schoolmate's house until their mother returned home later that evening. Ever since the time he walked in on him slapping his little sister he had arranged for her to stay away from their house whenever their mum wasn't around. It was one of these days where just everything went downhill. His teacher had sent him to the principal's office once again for not paying attention in class. It wasn't that he did it on purpose but he was just not challenged enough. He probably could have skipped a grade or two, had his parents ever really given a damn about him and bothered to show up at a parent-teacher conference. Instead he was stuck in this stupid class with his brainless classmates who still believed in Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. So he got himself into detention again, which wouldn't have been a bad thing, could he have avoided going home all together, but he needed to get back and clean up after his dad had finished his daily drinking exodus. If it was really bad, like today, he would also find used syringes lying on the floor that he needed to dispose of before Laura got back. So he started to collect the empty bottles of vodka and scotch and he couldn't quite remember what else when suddenly his dad stumbled into the living room._

_The last thing he saw was his father throwing a punch in his direction._

_The next thing he knew, he's lying on a gurney in the ER with his arm in a cast. _

_That day he'd broken his right wrist for the first time._

_Apparently he'd fallen down the stairs. _

_--_

After leaving Dr. Bailey's office rather suddenly he jogged straight to the ICU ward, because he knew that Laura would be lying there. He moved as quickly as possible, so that the short woman had no chance to pursue him, at least not right now. He knew that she'd show up there sooner or later but usually _they_ (meaning the people who had only gotten a little glimpse at his childhood, because he sure as hell never revealed anything too big) usually chose to give him a compassionate look and then ignored him, because they didn't know what to say. That's what he wanted anyway. For anybody in this fucking hospital to just leave him a-feaking-lone and let him deal with everything that's been happening in these past hours by himself. But apparently that wasn't gonna happen because as soon as he entered the ICU ward, his eyes met with beautiful blue ones and he found his thoughts drifting off slightly because the gorgeousness of them aroused a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. A feeling that almost felt a little like….

"Dr. Karev" Addison spoke softly when she saw him enter. During the past few minutes she'd been sitting with his sister, over-viewing some charts and trying to figure out a way to handle this situation. She struggled really hard to see everything with her usually exceptionally professional attitude but when she remembered that it had only been about 7 hours and 56 minutes since he had given her an earth shattering orgasm in one of the on call rooms it was understandable that this proved to be more difficult than with any other case. He slowly approached them and Addison couldn't help but stare at him.

_God his face is so hard to read. Is he mad at me? Does he want me to leave? Should I run? Is he going to yell? What the hell is he doing? _Addison thought within a split second when Alex pulled up a chair and sat down next to her and his sister. He reached over and took Laura's hand into his, being mindful of the IV that stuck out of it.

"Dr. Montgomery" He stated dryly while squeezing his sisters hand. Giving her a look that could only be described as cold and distant.

"Laura? Can you hear me?" He asked a little bit softer. His sister didn't move.

"She's asleep Alex" _Yeah like he couldn't have figured that one out by himself. After all they didn't call him doctor for nothing. _"We have her on a light sedative, because Dr. Bailey thinks that it's a good idea to leave the NG-tube in for a little while longer. It looks like she hasn't eaten anything in days." She told him carefully and compassionately. "She won't wake up for a few more hours, so if you want to….." but he cut her off

"No I won't leave her again….I'm fine right here." He said a little more loudly and chastised himself for raising his voice at her twice in only about 30 minutes.

"Don't you have a surgery scheduled or patients to see?" He asked bluntly and dismissing, hoping that she would just leave his wretched ass sitting there alone with his unconscious sibling. She couldn't care. He wouldn't pull her into this mess, he wouldn't allow that to happen. He had to make sure that she was gonna stay out of this because he didn't want her to hurt along with them. Life wasn't fair but he wouldn't let another person he cared for, possible the only person her really cared for, suffer just because it was easier for him. Which meant he had to keep her away.

Without saying anything else she gathered her things and headed for the elevator with Alex's eyes following ever single one of her steps.

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****I can't wait to hear what you guys think! Suggestions are always welcome! **

**-Christine**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everyone! I'm back again! Didn't I promise you regular updates as long as you keep supporting me like this? **

**Thanks again to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I hope you're gonna like this one too! There's only a small Alex/Laura scene, which actually turns out pretty bad for Alex, so be warned! **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything! If I did we wouldn't have to wait two more weeks for Grey's to return! **

**Rating: Mentioning of sexual abuse**

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**Chapter 5**

„Alex?" The faint sound was muffled and barely audible but it immediately tore him out of the light sleep that he'd fallen into as soon as he'd rested his head on the hospital bed. It wasn't really a whisper either, more like a noise coming from someone that was too scared to speak. But nevertheless he was sure that it had been his name that had escaped the lips of the person lying in front of him. He opened his eyes to look into his sisters brown ones that fluttered open. They had the same big brown puppy dog eyes but apart from that they looked completely different. No one would have recognised them as siblings if they didn't know it. Laura had inherited their mother's looks while Alex, when looking into the mirror, always saw the younger version of his father there. Except for the eyes, they were his mothers.

He'd always hated his looks. Well, he didn't complain when the chicks threw themselves on him simply because of his appearance but he genuinely feared, because he looked so much like him, that one day he'd turn into him. Every little glance at the mirror was a torture, which explained why he'd sometimes turned up at work unshaved.

Cristina had once mad a snide remark about doctors and personal hygiene and it had hurt to hear them talking about him like that, even though he'd never admit it. He'd just snorted back something along the lines of: _Oh come on_ _admit it Yang, you're just jealous because you're not getting in my pants._

But now wasn't the time to think about Yang or any of his other fellow residents. His sister was starting to wake up. Finally. He'd been sitting with her for about 6 hours, holding her hand. He'd also mad sure that the NG-tube was gone a mere 2 hours after he'd arrived. Laura wouldn't appreciate having a tube down her throat when she came to it. Luckily Bailey hadn't showed up either. Alex thought that she was probably still trying to figure out a way to deal with him now, which was kind of scary too, because he'd always thought of Dr. Bailey as the "superwoman" of Seattle Grace who was able to overcome every problem that was put in her way and he couldn't help but hope at least a little bit that she would also be able to overcome this.

He slowly reached out to stroke her hair when her eyes started to flicker again.

"Laura can you hear me?" Alex asked a little more determined, trying to get her to wake up.

He kind of feared his sisters consciousness that was about to come back in some ways because the pure thought of having to ask her all those questions the doctors used to ask them when they were little was threatening to kill him slowly inside. But if he didn't do it, then they would and he just couldn't do that to her, not while she was still in that state. So he had to get answers. Even though he didn't really want them. He certainly wasn't prepared for the devastating secret that she was about to reveal to him. Alex thought he knew about everything he'd done to her, but apparently he'd been wrong.

Laura started to stir a little and Alex tried to calm her down, so she wouldn't pull out the IV-lines by moving too much. He stood up and placed both hands on her shoulders, forcing her to stop shifting.

"Laura, you have to lie still, you're gonna hurt yourself!" He said a little more forcefully, trying desperately to hold her still. She was clearly getting more and more agitated.

He didn't know that those exact words had been used by their father about 14 years ago and that hearing them again, from a voice that sounded so similar to his, would send her still clouded brain into overdrive.

"No, you're not gonna hurt me again. I won't let you touch me ever again! Get off me!" She screamed at her brother, clearly confused about where she was and who was standing next to her.

Alex immediately let go of her when he realized what she meant and stood there in shock, not knowing quite what to do.

The doctor in him knew that she was still under the influence of the drugs she'd been given. She didn't mean it. Hell, she would probably not remember what she said in a few hours, when she was lucid again. She only confused him with that bastard of a father, it wasn't her fault that she was still too groggy to recognize him. The big brother instinct in him however told him to go and punch a wall or something because he didn't know how to process what he'd just learned.

He wanted to tell her that it was just him, Alex, her brother who was only looking out for her but he just had to get out of the room. He couldn't stay and presumably put her into anymore distress than she was already in.

He started to jog casually down the deserted hallway of the ICU floor and picked up the pace every few seconds so that when he reached the staircase he was sprinting. He ran down the stairs and towards the front of the hospital where he slumped down on one of the benches. He didn't care that there was a storm going on nor that the wind was punching the rain hard into his face. The fact that it was 3 in the morning didn't bother him and neither did the rain that was quickly soaking his thin scrubs, turning them from their usual light blue into a darker one. He didn't bring a jacket or exchange his slippers for real shoes that would have been more appropriate for this kind of weather. He just had to get away, out, run. Again. He just couldn't deal with her right now. Not now that he'd discover that his little sister had been abused in more than just one way while growing up. He forced his thoughts away from Laura and counted exactly 236 drops of rainwater that formed under the tip of his nose and then fell down to the ground or into his lap, he really didn't care where they went.

It was a welcome change from the warmth of the hospital, because warmth didn't numb the pain, if anything it just grew bigger and more hurtful. The cold however did. It dulled the pain, it forced him to focus on the freezing sensation that was slowly evolving around his body, so he wouldn't have to think about what he'd just learned.

When he started to shiver slightly he just brushed it off. He didn't want to be a wimp that goes inside cause he's a little cold.

When after a while (he had completely lost track of time by now) he realised that the shivering started to pick up a notch and his teeth started to clatter against each other, even though he tried to hold them still, and his spine felt frozen and like it was gonna break into a thousand pieces, he thought that this had probably been a bad idea and that hypothermia would set in soon, if it hadn't already.

He felt goosebumps begin to form on his arms and legs and suddenly he wasn't cold anymore and he only quickly thought that maybe he'd recovered but his doctor instinct told him that he was already entering stage two of hypothermia. He tried to touch his thumb with his little finger but he just couldn't, which meant that his muscles already started to give up. Another sign that he was too damn cold and needed to get back into the hospital immediately, if he didn't want to be carried around in a body bag tomorrow morning.

He tried, he really seriously tried to push himself up from his sitting position but he wasn't able to move anymore. All energy had been drained from his body, there was nothing left, not even enough to shout for help.

He knew it was pathetic that he couldn't even lift his own ass up anymore. He was supposed to be stronger than this, damn it! But it appeared that his behind was stuck, glued and nailed to this fucking bench.

He saw a flash of red exiting the hospital, but that was probably not real. Life hadn't treaded him lucky so far, so why would it start now? It was just his head toying with his imagination and his vision suddenly became blurry. He couldn't feel his hands anymore and knew that his body had already started to redirect his blood towards the viable organs to keep his sorry ass alive.

The human body was a freaking miracle.

He couldn't even make out the person that quickly approached him.

"Alex?" (Laura? He tried to form her name on his lips but they didn't obey)

"Alex?" The female voice spoke again. It wasn't his sister, that he was sure of now and then he caught a glimpse of the person standing in front of him and he started to think that maybe life wasn't supposed to be like this. Maybe it'd finally start to tread him right. He tried to open his mouth again to speak, to tell her that _he's fine _but he wasn't able to and she probably wouldn't have believed it anyway.

Why the hell did everyone around him come with a medical degree?

He only knew that he wasn't shaking anymore. God he wasn't really feeling anything except for the dull pain in the pit of his stomach that kept reminding him about what he'd found out about his sister.

"ALEX!" Meredith tried to get him to respond again, but when he didn't she barked at the person that was standing quietly behind her.

"George, get a wheelchair!" She ordered and he took off as fast as possible while Meredith placed a shaking hand on his carotid artery to feel for a pulse and taking a closer look at him. His lips were already a disturbingly dark blue color, matching his soaked scrubs and she knew, she had to get him insides as quickly as possible.

Firstly she briefly wondered if that's what she looked like after she had fallen into Elliot Bay.

Secondly she thought about what the hell had happened to Alex that made him sit out here in the cold.

His pulse was weak but at least it was there and when George returned he helped her to lift him into the wheelchair. They headed straight for the residents lounge because there they were likely to find some new clothes for him. When they touched him he was secretly glad that he felt anything and that they were gonna take care of him now.

As they hurried along the hallway he caught it again. A glimpse of red hair. This time it wasn't just imaginary and she hurried right along with them. He tried to turn his head to see whether this was true, whether she was really there but he was still frozen like an ice cube, not able to move anything by himself. He could even feel how his breathing got shallower with every gulp of air he took.

He just hoped that they hadn't found him too late.

--

Addison had just finished her shift and was about to leave the hospital when she spotted Grey and O'Malley almost running down the hallway towards the doctor lounges, pushing someone in a wheelchair she wouldn't have recognized immediately. It wasn't until they got closer that she was able to link the wet blue scrubs and the white skin with the fact that she'd just seen his sister alone in the ICU.

"What happened?" She asked clearly concerned while taking in his appearance. He looked as white as a ghost, nearly as bad as Meredith had looked when they had brought her in after the ferry boat accident.

"We found him outside, he must have been sitting in the rain for hours!" Meredith informed her without questioning the reason for the attending's sudden interest.

"O'Malley, get a thermometer and heating blankets from the supply closet. We also need warm fluids!" Addison almost shouted at George even though she knew that it wasn't his fault.

_God Alex what did you do to yourself? _She asked herself silently, even though she already kind of knew the answer to her question. Meredith and Addison quickly entered the locker room and the attending immediately reached for some scissors that were lying on the table and started to cut his wet scrubs while Meredith opened his cubby, looking for something for him to wear.

When Addison touched his forehead he suddenly, and without any kind of warning, responded to the contact and stared directly into her beautiful blue eyes. She was kind of taken aback by that, since she thought he was pretty out of it.

"Alex?" She tried to get him to talk to her while she continued cutting his clothes. He was still as cold as ice. He didn't say anything back so she stripped him of his clothes and asked Meredith to pass her the stethoscope from his locker. She mindfully heated it a little in her own hands before placing it on his bare chest. She listened to his heartbeat, which was worryingly erratic and fast. He was now sitting on the floor, dressed only in his boxers when Addison slid in behind him, trying to transfer as much of her body heat onto his icy one. She hugged his stomach from behind while Meredith was wrapping him in towels that she'd also found in his locker.

"We need to attach him to a heart monitor. I heard some arrhythmias. Can you maybe get a portable one?" She asked the resident that looked as worried as she did. Meredith only slightly nodded and left, knowing that they would be okay for a second.

"Alex, why did you do that? I'm so worried about you! You have to look after Laura, you can't get sick too!" She told him, even though she wasn't sure that he was able to hear her.

"Add?" He asked with all the energy that was left in him.

"Alex? Can you hear me? What happened?" She asked but he wasn't able to respond to her questions, not now anyway. He could only speak out the thought that seemed to be stuck in his brain

"She thought I was dad"

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****Reviews anyone? Pretty please?!**** They make me all happy and smiley and I might update again sooner! **

**-Christine**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! This is just a short update to show you that I'm still alive and working. ****Actually I'm working too hard at the moment so it kind of makes it very difficult to update regularly, which I'm terribly sorry for! Thanks again to everyone who reviewed the last chapter**

**Kat Priestly, McLonely, Right Hand Blue, michallev, Lora Perry, addiekatefan, gizziefan118, addexlover, MDarkspIrIt, speckled girl, Ella Shady, Anie, PheobeHasABadPenName and Rachel!**

**It really means a lot to me so I'm dedicating this chapter to you! This is probably the favourite of my stories and I hope you're still enjoying it! **

**Let me know what you think about it! **

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**Chapter 6**

_Blood__._

_Deep red blood was all he saw. _

_For about 2 seconds everything was a disturbingly bright redish color. The white tiles, the white walls, the white bathtub, simply everything in there appeared to be clad in an alarmingly shade of crimson. His eyes were dazzled so that he almost couldn't make out the person sitting on the floor. _

_His eyes were clouded_

_His vision was blurry_

_and the pain in his heart was numbed by the shocking scene in front of him. _

_He'd gotten up to use the bathroom, but what he found there robbed him off his need to pee. No scratch that, it robbed him of almost every emotion he had ever felt and his ability to move. After all these years of seeing his mother and sister being beaten, of being beaten himself, Alex couldn't recall a situation in which he'd been so scared and stunned before. _

_First he thought that it was just a nightmare and that if he closed his eyes for a moment, he'd wake up back in his own bedroom, his shorts and t-shirt drenched with his cold sweat. _

_But unfortunately it wasn't just a dream. _

_It took him another two seconds to lock eyes with his little sister. Her back was propped up against the bathtub, her hands resting on the blood stained jeans. A little pool of blood had already formed beneath her and was growing bigger with every passing second. Alex's attention was suddenly drawn to the knife that lay on the floor next to Laura._

_The bloody blade already started to dry. _

_There was absolutely no screaming, no shouting for help, no pleading and begging which felt kind of weird. They simply communicated with their eyes. He was able to read them so well by now that he knew she was scared out of her mind, but still, there was something telling him that this hadn't been an accident and that she wasn't all that pleased with the fact that he'd found her. After all it was in the middle of the night and if he hadn't woken up because of his bladder……Alex didn't want to continue that thought right now because instinct set in and he immediately grabbed two towels from the cupboard, squatted down next to his little sister and he tied them tightly around her wrists. Then he quickly lifted her off the blood-spattered floor and held on to her firmly, pressing her against his chest. He didn't care that he was soon covered in her blood that wet his t-shirt almost instantly. Thank god that he'd passed his driving test last week but he'd have driven her even if he'd flunked. He took her to the closest ER. It was practically abandoned when they arrived, so all eyes were on them when Alex carried Laura through the door, straight towards the admission desk, where a young nurse was already awaiting them. When she realised what was going on she looked about as shocked as he must have when he first found her on the bathroom floor but he doubted that she felt the same way that he did: The stinging of his heart that kept reminding him of how much he loved her was almost unbearable, making it impossible for him to form a word. Luckily he didn't even need to speak. She just waved them to the closest procedure room where Alex lay Laura down on the table. He slowly backed away from her, letting the doctors and nurses do their job, hoping that he hadn't found her too late. _

_He watched as they examined her wrists and hung IV's to stabilise her. It was like he was deaf though. He saw everything, but the bustling sound that usually filled the ER had been blocked out by his brain until he felt someone touching his arm. It was another nurse. Her lips were moving but he didn't hear the words that came out of her mouth. He felt someone else seizing him by the shoulders, pulling him slowly backwards, out of the room where they worked on his sister and he obliged without resistance. Someone started to shake his arm again, but his eyes were still fixed on the people moving behind the glass doors. _

"_Please Laura don't do this. You can't just give up" he felt himself say, even though he didn't really wanna say that out loud. _

"_Hey boy! Can you hear me?" The female voice finally pierced through his thoughts and even though she was standing right next to him it sounded like she was quite far away. _

"_Yeah" He simply answered without taking his eyes off the situation in front of him. _

"_What's her blood type?" The nurse tried again, this time he could feel the desperation in her voice. _

"_B neg" he replied and with that the woman left, probably running to get the appropriate bags of Lauras blood type to transfuse her, leaving him there alone. He tried to get back into the room but was straight away thrown out by security. He didn't even fight them like he would have, if he'd been in his right state of mind. _

_Instead he settled for taking a seat in the waiting area. He didn't care that his own shorts were soaked with Laura's blood and that he probably left some ugly stains on the upholstery of the chair. Suddenly someone appeared in front of him, handing him a ton of forms he needed to fill out. On the outside he still seemed to be in control of everything, like this was everyday business for him. On the inside however he was slowly breaking down. The emotional pain he felt was too overwhelming and he started to feel mad because those fucking doctors wouldn't let him stay with her in the exam room. He focused his energy on the form in front of him though and started to fill it out with shaky fingers. _

_Surname:__ Karev_

_First Name: Laura_

_Middle Name: Catherine_

_Age: 14_

_And that's when it hit him._

_Laura was only 14 years old. She was still a kid. She wasn't a grown up yet but she already wanted to die. She'd never even experienced life outside of the house they had to call "home". He wasn't much older, only 16, but still those two years were crucial. The pure thought that he might never see her again made his breathing speed up. After all Laura and maybe their mum were the only reason he was still here. If he hadn't taken care of them who would have? And now she might die anyway? Where was the freaking fairness? Hadn't he done enough already? He seriously tried to protect them whenever possible and it wasn't like he hadn't taken his fair share of abuse himself. _

_He could slowly feel__ his throat closing up and breathing got more and more difficult, causing him to breathe too fast until he felt light-headed and was about to faint. Just when he was about to fall from the chair he felt two hands on his chest, pushing him back up and holding a paper bag to his mouth, causing him to exhale into it. Someone rubbed soothing circles on his back and he only wondered lightly if this was what a normal family would do when one of their own was in trouble. _

_Without another warning he felt tears well up behind his eyes, the act of keeping them inside nothing he was capable of anymore. So he let them run down his cheeks while he felt his breathing slowing down, taking long deep breaths in the process. When he realised that his breathing was back to normal he roughly pushed the paper bag away from his face and rested his head on his hands, letting the tears he'd been holding inside for so long, too damn long, finally out and for the only time in his life he didn't care that people were watching him cry. _

He suddenly felt so cold, like he was in a totally different place, but the person rubbing circles on his back was still there. He could feel her legs on either side of him and when he opened his eyes he saw the outlines of 3 people standing in front of him. He knew them but couldn't find the strength to say a word. He didn't remember what happened. He just knew that he was so freaking cold and that he wanted to be some place warm.. Florida maybe or the Dominicans… That would be great…. He thought to himself while he crossed his arms in front of his chest in a desperate act to get himself warmed up. He could feel that he was naked underneath those blankets that were supposed to raise his temperature and that made him feel uneasy.

"God what the hell happened?" He thought to himself silently, still feeling too tired to even open his mouth to speak.

Suddenly he heard a familiar voice in front of him beginning to talk, trying to get him to respond.

"Alex? Alex can you hear me?" Dr. Bailey. At least she didn't sound mad, more like concerned.

He couldn't answer, but instead he focused all his energy on opening his eyes at least a little, to tell her that he was alert.

"Okay, let's get him to a room. O'Malley fetch a gurney, so we can transport him safely." He could hear Dr. Bailey speak but it sounded like she was standing far away from him, like the nurse had when he'd brought Laura to the ER after her suicide attempt. It didn't make any sense to him though. He wasn't sick, so what the hell where they talking about?

When George returned all 4 of them lifted him up off the cold linoleum floor of the locker room and he got his first look at the person that had been sitting behind him. The person who had massaged his back and trying to sooth him down and when he realised who it was, he couldn't help himself but look at her for a few moments before he had to give up and let his eyes flutter close again.

Addison was the one person he wanted to be there the most and still she was the one that he never wanted to hurt, which by the look on her face he already had.

"_Fuck, I've messed it up again. Great. She wasn't supposed to get hurt" _He thought as they wheeled the gurney towards an empty hospital room. However, before they arrived at their destination Alex had already lost consciousness again.

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**I know it's short, but reviews are always welcome! Thanks! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone I'm finally back! Sorry it took me so long, but life's been pretty busy lately (I know it's a lame excuse but that's the way it is!) I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks to anyone who reviewd the last one! You guys rock! **

**Rating: Mentioning of sexual abuse and some swearing**

**Disclaimer! I don't own them, so don't sue! **

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**Chapter 7**

"Alex? Alex can you hear me?" Dr. Bailey almost shouted at him. They had managed to move him to an empty exam room, undetected by anyone else. He was currently covered with about a ton of heating blankets that were supposed to raise his body temperature, so that it would soon be back to normal.

He had just started to kick slightly with one of his legs and was slowly regaining consciousness. He was still so fucking cold though. Too damn cold. This icy sensation had invaded his brain and so that all he really was able to feel was the pain from being a human pincushion. He just wished he could go back to sleep because it seemed as every inch of his body was being penetrated with pointy needles again and again and again. The piercing feeling seemed to evolve around his body from the top of his head down to his feet. Everything fucking hurt and why the hell wasn't anyone doing anything about it?

He moaned faintly and tried to roll onto his side to relieve at least some of the pressure on his spine, because it felt like it had already broken into a thousand pieces. However, he was immediately pushed back into the uncomfortable position.

That's when he though he heard her voice call his name and he tried in a desperate act to open his eyes.

"Laura" He mumbled almost inaudible without realising that it wasn't his little sister standing next to him, rubbing his shoulder. But instead of opening his eyes he once again fell into a restless sleep.

_--_

_"Laura, why did you do this to yourself?" Alex asked his little sister, who was still on psychiatric hold, since she refused to talk to anyone about what had happened and what she did to herself. He tried to lock eyes with her, but she started pacing through her room again, back and forth, like some caged animal that desperately tried to find a way to escape its keepers._

"_Laura please talk to me." He pleaded with her but she kept quiet until he had enough and was about to stand up and leave. That's when his little sister turned around to face him. _

"_Why the hell did you save me Alex?" She asked with malice in her voice. He could tell immediately that she was being serious. _

"_Why would you ask that Laura? I'm your brother for crying out loud. Do you honestly think I'd just let you lie there on the fucking bathroom floor bleeding to death?" he asked back, taking a few steps towards her. _

"_Yeah, well, I'd rather be dead than going through this!" She pointed her finger around the room. "But thanks to you I'm stuck in here now!" She almost cried out. _

_Alex couldn't believe it. He potentially saved her life and all she could think about was how she'd rather be dead and how it was his fault. Apparently, everything was now his fault. Every damn thing. And he couldn't believe how much that actually hurt him. It was probably even worse than when he saw her covered in her own blood. At least now he knew that it wasn't all an accident and that she'd done this to herself on purpose. _

_Wasn't he reason enough for her to stay? Everything he did for her? Every time he tried to protect her? It made him feel kind of angry and he hated it. He seriously didn't wanted to be mad at his little sister, especially not after what she'd been through, but right now he could feel his temper rising. _

"_Why?" He asked in a hurtful voice but Laura apparently still didn't intend to answer it, so he tried again. _

"_It's a simple question Laura: Why?" he asked again, louder this time, causing Laura to stop pacing and stare at him. _

"_Because I wanted to escape that freaking hell we're living in each and every day. Is that enough for you?" She asked sarcastically before she started walking though the room again. _

"_I know we're covering this up because they would separate us and put us in different foster-care families, but for me it's not worth it anymore." _

_Those words stung Alex in the midst of his heart. She was basically saying that she didn't care about him at all. Apparently, she didn't love him the way he loved her. _

"_Fine" He simply replied and stormed out of her room, escaping the constricting smell of the hospital as fast as possible. _

_He didn't know that the night of the suicide attempt was also the night that their father had robbed Laura of her virginity in the most cruel and hurtful way. _

_Two hours later the hospital called. Laura had suffered a nervous breakdown. _

_Three hours later he was back in her room, holding her hand while she was sedated. _

_--_

"What are we gonna do now?" A concerned Meredith asked, looking at Dr. Bailey and Addison whom were both standing on either side of Alex's bed. 30 minutes had passed since he'd last mumbled something incoherently and she was really starting to grow worried about his condition. After all, it wasn't every day that she'd find one of her friends in a state like this.

"His temp's slowly rising Grey. Maybe we could get him another warm saline bag." She mentioned and George immediately left the room to go and warm up the requested fluids. "His heart rate looks fine for now, but we're gonna keep him here for observation for at least a day. It was a good thing that you found him when you did. I can't imagine what would have happened, had he stayed out there all night." Bailey explained to the younger resident.

They all had returned their attention towards Alex's sleeping frame, when suddenly Meredith broke the silence with the question that had bothered her ever since she's found him sitting in the rain, looking like a ghost.

"Do you know why he was out there? Did something happen today?" Meredith questioned the chief resident. She was sure that something had to have triggered his action to sit in the ice-cold rain for what she assumed to be hours. At this Addison, who had taken a seat next to her former intern's bed turned her head slightly and exchanged a meaningful glance with Miranda.

"Dr. Grey …..I…" Dr. Bailey began when Alex started to kick off the heating blankets without a warning. Miranda was more than thankful for this distraction, because she didn't want to be the one to tell what she'd found out to Alex's friend. He would have to do this himself. Even though she doubted that that was going to happen

She quickly lifted Alex eyelids and checked his reaction to light. Addison put a hand on his shoulder again and talked to him.

"Alex, can you hear me? It's Addison…..Dr. Montgomery…..Alex please say something." The redhead almost begged, quickly shaking his shoulder to get his attention.

"Laura?" Alex asked. It was the first name that popped into his head, because he'd just been dreaming about her.

"Who's Laura?" Meredith asked curiously but was cut off by Dr. Bailey

"Shut up Grey! Alex this is Dr. Bailey. Do you know where you are? Do you remember what happened?"

However, he was still unable to answer their questions and slightly lifted his eyelids only to close them again, because of the bright neon light that shone down on him. Thank god the coldness was slowly subsiding and he started to feel his arms and legs again. He tried to move around on the table but was held in place by the 3 women in the room.

"Alex I need you to wake up." Dr. Bailey said again and this time her resolute voice pierced straight though his still clouded brain and he opened his eyes, which cost him an awful lot of energy. Energy that he didn't really have at that moment.

"Where's Laura?" He demanded to know, still not being aware that this time he was lying on an examination table and not his sister. He struggled to sit up and suddenly realised that under the heating blankets he was only dressed in an ugly hospital gown, with nothing underneath.

"Where's Laura? I have to check on her!" Alex said again, this time even more determined. Addison and Dr. Bailey desperately tried to get him to lie back down, but didn't succeed when he threw off the blankets and pulled out his IV in the process.

"Alex you need to lie back down. You were hypothermic. Meredith found you sitting in the freezing rain. Do you remember any of this?"

The whole inquisition was getting on his nerves. He wasn't sick and he also couldn't remember what had happened only a few hours ago but suddenly Meredith's pleading voice filled the room, requesting him to lie down again and let them do their jobs, and he remembered that she'd found him.

Outside. In the rain. Which was exactly where he wanted to be again now that all the feelings and all the revelations came racing back. He wanted to sit in the ice-cold rain again right freaking now. He didn't want to feel anything and the rain had helped with that but right now he was seriously trying his hardest not to show any emotions at all. Which wasn't as easy for him as some might think it would be. He always had to try so hard and today was even worse, with the constant reminder of his childhood in the same hospital that he worked in.

His sister had been raped. By her father. By his father. By her own flesh and blood. How could he not have noticed this? How could he have been so stupid? God why was everything so fucked up in his life?

"Get out!" he half screamed with all the power he could muster at the three females who were staring at him and added a quiet "please" when he saw how Dr. Bailey's eyes assessed him.

"We'll give you a minute. But only a minute Karev." Dr. Bailey agreed and Alex nodded slightly, propping himself up on his elbows.

After they had left he couldn't hold it in anymore. It was just too much, almost unbearable. He couldn't help but think about how this was all his own damn fault when a silent tear slowly made it's way down his hot cheek. By the feel of it he was already running a fever. Great.

He should have stopped him from hurting them earlier. Should have done something about it before it got this far. Right now he really, seriously hated himself. Even more that usually and he felt the need to hurt himself because of it. However before he could think about this any longer he was startled by someone re-entering the room.

He quickly brushed away the tear with his hand and then looked at who it was that had come back that quickly.

"Alex, Dr. Bailey's still waiting outside but I just wanted to let you know that Laura's doing fine. She's sleeping in the ICU."

"Thanks" he mumbled a little to harshly, but somehow it just seemed that he couldn't turn the rudeness off whenever she was within 10 feet of him. Although he didn't really wanted to sound that way.

Addison nodded slightly and turned to leave again when she heard a quiet and sincere "Thank you Addison" coming from the other side of the room. She was quite taken aback by the change in the sound of his voice but not as impressed as the person who had spoken the words. They had been said against all instinct and therefore were probably the most genuine words she'd ever heard.

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**You guys know how much I like reviews! So let me know what you think! Suggestions are always welcome to if you have an idea that would fit into this story! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I everyone I'm finally back! Sorry it took me so long again. I hope you like this chapter though! Please leave me lots of reviews! I really wanna say a huge thank you to everyone who's still sticking with this story and thank you to my great reviewers for Chap. 7: Acajou Amarth, gizziefan118, speckled girl, PheobeHasABadPenName, addisonkarev, kat priestly and mistysparks. It really means a lot to me! I'm really hoping to get over 100 reviews with this Chapter so keep it up! **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own them and I'm getting impatient! **

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**Chapter 8**

„Alex?" Laura murmured faintly. After hours of sleeping she was slowly coming out of the drug induced sleep, but sadly her brother wasn't there to meet her. Instead a stunningly beautiful redheaded doctor sat by her bedside, sleeping in an uncomfortable position on a chair, her legs pulled up to her chest.

It took her a few moments to remember where she was and what had happened the previews day. However, she couldn't shake the slight feeling that something was off. Alex was always by her side when she was hospitalised. He always had her back, so why wasn't he here now?

"Alex?" She asked again into the room and felt her panic level rise. However, before anything else happened the woman on the chair jerked slightly and opened her eyes to meet Laura's. She slowly put her feet down, slipped back into her crocks and rubbed her eyes for a second before gathering the power to speak up. It was now 4 am and Addison hadn't really gotten much sleep, if you count dozing off on a chair "sleeping".

"Laura, hey, I'm Dr. Montgomery. How are you feeling?" She asked compassionately. After having spent a great deal of the night studying Laura's files, she knew that this wasn't a situation the younger woman would like to be in. It would bring back very hurtful memories for her, so Addison knew that she had to approach her carefully.

The sweet and caring tone in Addison's voice immediately made Laura feel save. At least as save as she could feel in this sanitary place, with that distinctive smell that reminded her too much of her childhood. She still couldn't believe that her brother had actually chosen to work in a hospital, after everything they'd been through in those places.

"Where's Alex?" She demanded to know, ignoring the older woman's question. She needed her brother. That's why she came here. She needed him to tell her what to do.

Addison moved over so that she was standing as close as possible to Laura's bed. She knew she had to tell the girl, with her being Alex's next of kin and all, but the events of the previous day had shaken her too much for her own liking. That was probably why she'd stayed in the hospital instead of going home and enjoying a warm nice bubble bath after an exhausting day.

"I'm sorry, but Alex can't be here tonight!" Addison began and started telling her what she knew about the "incident" and his condition. However, after she realised that Laura became more and more agitated and scared, she stopped and simply placed one hand comforting on her patients shoulder, telling her that he was going to be okay and assuring her that he would be allowed to see her as soon as Dr. Bailey gave her OK. Laura forced a tiny smile on her face. This was actually the first time in her life that she didn't feel too intimidated by a doctor and she believed her when she told her that Alex was really gonna be alright.

--

"What?" A more and more irritated Alex asked a stern looking Dr. Bailey. She'd been sitting with him for hours, watching his every move. Apparently she'd decided that staring him down would be a great way to pass time while she was baby-sitting him. She therefore prevented him from detaching himself from the hear-rate monitor, let alone leaving his bed. Usually he wouldn't have dared acting so rudely around her, but this was different. He wanted to see his sister desperately. He needed answers. And he couldn't get them when he was attached to all kinds of machines.

"I don't need a baby-sitter you know!" Alex told Dr. Bailey who hadn't said a single word in those past few hours. To Alex's relieve it had turned out that Dr. Bailey really was capable of ignoring everything she'd learned about her resident and treat him the same as always. Well, as usual as possible, considering the fact that he'd been hypothermic only hours ago. He was actually glad for the quietness she granted him. So at least she didn't try to persuade him that a shrink would solve all his problems. Like anyone would be able to help him. He snorted quietly at the thought that seemed so far-fetched. He was never going to be "whole and healed".

He didn't intend to play Mr. Good-patient though. Sooner or later she'd have to leave and this would be his chance. He simply ignored the fact that he could still hardly feel his limbs, that he was colder than ever and that he was clearly running a fever. But Alex knew that Laura would probably be throwing a tantrum if she awoke in a hospital bed and he wasn't there to meet her. So when he would sneak out of his own room as planned, it was for the other hospital staff's own good, he convinced himself.

"I'm very aware that you're not a baby Karev, otherwise you wouldn't have been brought in as an ice cube!" she replied cheekily.

"So…" He started again

"So what?" Dr. Bailey asked

"You don't have to watch me. I'm sure you have other thing to do. More important things." He said, trying to not sound too annoyed.

"See, that's the thing Dr. Karev. I have to. I don't necessarily want to watch you but if I didn't.." She wanted to continue when her pager went off.

"Damn it" She swore when she checked what it was. A trauma that needed her immediate attention was brought into the pit. She quickly sent a message to Meredith Grey before standing up to leave.

"Don't you dare leave that bed Karev!" She warned him, a finger pointed directly at him before she stormed off towards the ER.

Alex knew that this was his chance and he needed to seize it before Baileys replacement arrived. He turned off the heart-monitor and picked the electrodes off his chest one by one. Then he professionally extracted the IV that was still stuck in the back of his hand and shifted slightly, so that he was able to throw off the heating-blankets. When he lifted his legs and his bare feet touched the floor he cringed a little because his legs weren't really in any shape to be moved. It seemed as though every muscle ached with every movement he made. Being aware of the fact that he was only dressed in a hospital gown, he decided that it would be better to stop at the residents lounge for some clothes.

It seemed as though he'd moved in slow motion and he would have laughed it off, had it not been for the continuously growing soreness of his body.

The pain was almost unbearable and the heat from the fever, that had probably spiked in the last few minutes, was radiating through his body, making him sweaty and extremely uncomfortable.

When he finally reached the locker room he was relieved to find it empty. He made a mental note to scan the corridor for a wheelchair when he got out again, but first he had to get dressed. He stood in front of his cubby, cursing himself for storing his spare scrubs on the top shelf. Alex carefully reached up to grab the pants and a top. However this action was too much for his worn-out body and he felt his legs give way before his body fell to the floor with a big thump and everything went black once again but this time the familiar noise of water rushed through his ears.

_The running of water was always the perfect way to escape. Escape from the disturbing noises. Escape from an abusive father. Escape from hell. At least for a little while._

_8 year old Alex knew that there was going to be trouble when his dad got home. Mom had gone out this afternoon and when Alex got home from school his dad had been anything but happy about that. He quickly grabbed Laura by her hand and pulled her into the bathroom. He hastily locked the door and let water run into the tub. He then told Laura to get undressed and so did he. Both of them climbed into the tub of warm water, while the faucet continued to pour litre after litre of water into the ceramic tub. When the door was slammed shut outside the siblings put their heads under water, just enough that it would cover their ears. They didn't hear anything else but the running of water anymore. _

_The waterfall that Alex heard in his head was beautiful and he imagined being somewhere in a jungle in Africa, surrounded by all sorts of animals. That's where he wanted to be. As far away as possible from all human beings. _

_From time to time a dull punch could be heard even through the distraction of the running water but it sounded less scary through the curtain of warm water and it was toned down to the minimum. It was over after about 15 minutes and when Alex opened his eyes he found Laura staring straight at him, waiting for him to tell her that it was save to leave the bathroom again. _

"Alex! Wake up!" Meredith's voice pierced through his dream and he lifted his eyelids to see her crouching down next to him, patting his cheek lightly to get his attention. It took him a second to realise that he had passed out in the residents lounge.

"Mer?" He asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

"What the hell were you thinking Alex? I was looking all over for you!" She chastised him for leaving his room.

"I…. I need to get dressed" He told her while grabbing one of the cubbies handles to help him stand up. .

"What? No way, you're not leaving the hospital in this state!" Meredith replied, thinking that Alex was actually considering going home.

"What? No I'm not leaving here, I only wanna see someone" Alex told her and immediately realised that he had revealed too much when Meredith's eyes widened.

"Who?" She asked nosily and Alex was quickly searching for a way out, unfortunately the fever and the exhaustion made it difficult for his brain to work properly.

"Get me my spare scrubs from my cubby!" He ordered, almost barking at her, and immediately felt guily for yelling at his friend. Surprisingly she did as Alex had told her and took his scrubs down, but instead of handing them to him, she leaned forward and placed a cold palm of her hand on his burning forehead.

"God Alex, you're burning up. You're running a really high fever. I really think you should go back to bed. Believe me, I'm talking from experience here" Meredith tried to reason with him but he was still dead set against it.

Alex suddenly remembered what Meredith had gone through at the ferryboat accident and realised that this probably hadn't been his best idea, since he was barely able to get himself off of the cold floor without help, but the need to be by Laura's side made everything else seem kind of unnecessary. By the way Meredith looked at him right now, it would only be a matter of time before she'd call someone to help her put him back into his room.

"Please Mer" He almost begged her with a soft voice that gave Meredith goose bumps. She'd never seen him like this before and he'd never asked nor begged her for anything because Alex Karev didn't do begging, that wasn't his thing. He was blunt, honest, sometimes an ass and he was her dark and twisty friend but he didn't beg and he'd never asked for help.

"Alex" She spoke his name and suddenly realised that he was starting to shake, probably because of the fever. He was also sweating profusely, making his short hair stick to his forehead.

"Please Mer, she's my …….she's my little sister. I just wanna see her for a couple of minutes" At this Meredith's eyes grew even bigger, if that was possible. She didn't even know that he had a sister, let alone that said sister was apparently here but before she did anything, she had to make sure that he wasn't hallucinating because of the fever. His eyes darted around the room unfocused, not daring to make eye contact with her.

"Alex, Alex look at me!" She ordered, placing one of her cold palms on his cheek to get his attention.

"Are you sure she's here? Did you see her?" She asked to verify the information.

"Yes. She's in the ICU" Alex finally revealed and now everything started to make sense.

_Gosh, no wonder he is so upset__._ Meredith thought and was finally able to comprehend his actions from before.

"Okay" she replied "I'm gonna let you see her but first I wanna take your temp and I'm gonna give you something to break that fever." She told him and he slightly nodded his head in agreement.

"Let's get you changed then." Meredith said, grabbing his scrubs and helping him get dressed.

TBC

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I hope you enjoyed it! **Please R&R! **


	9. Chapter 9

**I know, I know I've abandoned my stories for a really long time and I hope that some of my readers are still on this board. But truth is my life was so incredible busy over the past few months that I got hardly time to breath, let alone write. Plus there was this seriously annoying writers block. It's actually still there, so I'm not really happy with this chapter. If you have any suggestions as to how this story should continue I would be really thankful. Please leave a review or pm me! I hope the next chapter will be up sooner than this one! **

**Disclaimer: No, I still don't own Greys or any of the characters**

**Chapter 9**

„_Alex?" he heard a distant voice calling his name but couldn't quite place it at first. God, he felt so tired, like he hadn't slept in years, even though he knew perfectly well, that he'd only just w__oken up. To be honest, he liked the sensation of feeling asleep and being conscious at the same time so much, that at first, he didn't want it to stop. The questions of where he was and who was calling him were just small details that he currently tried to push to the side. But suddenly he felt someone touch his shoulder and nothing felt the same. With the unwanted human contact he was unwillingly torn out of the place of happiness he'd created for himself. _

_It had started shortly after Laura's current shrink had told her that he was "bad influence" and that she should stay away from him. Apparently their raping, beating, drunk of a father wasn't the only reason for her mental illness. But Alex expected nothing else. Psychologists were suspicious in every kind of way. Even the school shrink he was forced to visit once had scared the crap out of him. In a weird way he felt that this person wanted to control him. And talking about feelings and why the bruises on his arms never really healed where his own business and nobody else's. It was then that he started to feel resentful not only towards his father, but also towards Laura in some ways. Nothing had been the same between her attempted suicide. The fact that his baby sister, he'd been trying to protect all of his life, didn't want anything to do with him was enough to push him over the edge. _

_He __nicked pills from their mother, not that she was ever gonna notice. Just every now and then. Most of the time she was too fucking drugged up she wouldn't even miss him, when he didn't come home for days on end. Even though he knew deep down that this was a huge and terrible mistake, he couldn't help himself. "It runs in the family" he thought and smiled to himself when thinking about his fucked up parents and everything just constantly seemed to be going downhill._

_So he swallowed another one. __Only to keep that slightly dizzy feeling for a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer. Just until he had to leave for practice. Wrestling really was the only thing that made him hold on at the moment and with that he was only reminded once again what a sad and pathetic excuse for a human being he was. His sister didn't talk to him anymore, never even bothered to thank him for saving her life. _

_Someone started to shake his shoulder furiously now. This person was everything but gentle with him but he didn't care. Actually he just wanted to be left alone. _

"_Alex, open your eyes!" The sweet, female voice almost begged. _And now he suddenly knew that he wasn't 16 anymore. No, he was currently lying on the floor of Seattle Grace's resident's lounge with Meredith Grey kneeling beside him.

"What?" he faintly mumbled, still feeling like a rock that couldn't move and there it was again: The pain immediately came rushing back to intoxicate every single one of his muscles, so that he felt in serious need of painkillers.

"Alex, you have to stay awake if you want me to take you to your sister's room!

_Yeah, that's true, Grey had found him when he wanted to take off to see his sister in the ICU__. _Alex remembered

"How long was I gone?" he asked through gritted teeth. Everything seemed to fucking hurt again and in this very moment he couldn't help but wish they had never found him sitting in the rain. But still he desperately tried to push himself up into a sitting position, so that he would look less like a patient and more like a doctor again.

"About 3 minutes" Meredith answered clearly worried about him. "Listen, Alex, you're really burning up. You need to go back to bed and rest. You don't have to pretend, you know. You can't fool me Alex. I know perfectly well that everything in your body hurts. You need your meds, otherwise you're gonna pass out again."

At that Alex opened his eyes to look into his friend's. She was right; he needed the drugs right now, like he used to need them after his sister sort of abandoned him. It was a deep craving that had been woken up inside of him. He tried to persuade himself, that it was only because he was in pain, but wasn't completely sure that this was the whole reason.

"Then go and get them!" He snapped at Meredith, regretting the harsh sound of his voice the second that the words left his mouth, instantly fighting the urge to vomit all over the ugly hospital gown he was still dressed in.

"Fine" she said, resting her hands on her hips, clearly not satisfied with his decision to ignore the rules.

When she had taken off and the door was closed again Alex started to breath through the constantly worsening pain that seemed to multiply with every single one of his heartbeats. Never had he experienced something like this. Well, there was only one thing that could compare to this, a thing that nobody knew about. It would only make him look weak, which he wasn't. He was a fighter. He'd survived multiple times and he knew he would come through this too. If only Grey came back soon. The drugs would make everything so much more bearable. And only after a few deeper, painful breaths she returned, juggling and IV-Kit, syringes, band aids a thermometer and other things not too gracefully on her arms. She set everything down on the table and went to lock the door.

"You're lucky Bailey isn't back from her code yet. She would rip your skin off if she knew that you're not in your bed and probably mine as well for not reporting it to her." But when Meredith realised that Alex's breathing was yet again only shallow and he was on the verge of fainting she stopped cursing him and moved everything in place to administer the meds that Dr. Bailey had prescribed for him.

While working on inserting his IV Meredith tried to reason with him again.

"Seriously Alex, you can't even get off the floor without my help. Do you really think it's a great choice to visit your sister now? Can't it wait until tomorrow? You're fever is still pretty high and you're at risk of catching pneumonia if you keep wandering the halls."

"Do you seriously think I don't know that Grey?" He asked. "I take my chances" He said quietly, wondering what she might think, which was really strange, because he never cared what other people thought about him. But apparently he cared what Meredith Grey thought.

"You're just too damn stubborn Alex!"

"I just know what I want" He responded to her accusation, trying to sound cocky, but not really succeeding.

"Then you owe me. And you can pay your debt by trading me 2 of your surgeries for the pit!"

"Deal" Alex agreed after hesitating for a few moments. The pain meds had already brought some relieve and he was slowly starting to feel better. Even tough he still felt sleepy as hell and, like Meredith predicted, his fever had risen over the past hour, what made him sweat a little. But finally nothing would stand in the way of seeing his sister. He had to get answers and he would only get them from her.

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**I just love Meredith's and Alex's dynamic. I hope you enjoyed it! **


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